This is another small but informative post to let you know I have arrived safely home from the USA (in case you were worried about me). The trip was unbelievable, and within the next week I will regail you with the events of the trip. The post will probably be longer than the independent research project that I had to do for my final year of university, but nevertheless It will be done, and done in great detail.
As always thanks for reading (even the small and pointless posts)
Take it EZ
LW
Monday, 29 June 2009
Monday, 15 June 2009
Public Service Announcement
It has become clear to me on my travels that getting an internet connection has proved more difficult that I anticipated, and as a result I haven't been able to post a blog from every location I travel too. So I've decided that when I return home to the UK, I will forge a gargantuan post from nowhere, and tell you all the tales from my epic adventure.
Thanks always for reading
Take it EZ
LW
Saturday, 6 June 2009
We're Spinal Tap From The UK! You Must Be The USA!
If you know me, by that I mean I actually socialize/converse/debate/argue/laugh/get drunk with you, by now you've probably heard that I'm going on a little trip. For those of you who don't know me, and only have a vague idea of my complex personality through the rants and moans of my blog... I'm going on a little trip. Tomorrow morning, I will be jetting of the the United States of America, with my Mum, Dad and my girlfriend Sam. Were off to meet up with my sister, who as I've said before in an early blog, resides there these days. As soon as we arrive its pretty much all systems go for the busiest 3 weeks of my life, but no doubt the most fun I'm ever likely to have.
So that is how the rest of my June will be spent, and needless to say, I'm slightly excited about it. But fear not, I shall be blogging on my travels, I'm going to attempt to do a new post every few days with small updates and pictures, but obviously it all depends when/where I can get a wireless signal.
For more spontaneous and more frequent updates, follow me on Twitter. You can read them on the right hand side of this blog.
As I'm in a great mood, here's a little ditty for you that always puts a smile on my face. If you don't know who Flight Of The Conchords then I have only one question for you... Are you a hermit in east Mongolia farming yaks? You must be. Enjoy
As always thanks for reading, and the next time I post, I will be across the pond.
Take it EZ
LW
So that is how the rest of my June will be spent, and needless to say, I'm slightly excited about it. But fear not, I shall be blogging on my travels, I'm going to attempt to do a new post every few days with small updates and pictures, but obviously it all depends when/where I can get a wireless signal.
For more spontaneous and more frequent updates, follow me on Twitter. You can read them on the right hand side of this blog.
As I'm in a great mood, here's a little ditty for you that always puts a smile on my face. If you don't know who Flight Of The Conchords then I have only one question for you... Are you a hermit in east Mongolia farming yaks? You must be. Enjoy
As always thanks for reading, and the next time I post, I will be across the pond.
Take it EZ
LW
Friday, 5 June 2009
Chin Up Labour
Put this date in your diary, you are probably witnessing the end of an era. The following picture is the election results as from 8pm on the 5th of June 2009.
Thanks always for reading.
Take it EZ
LW
Thanks always for reading.
Take it EZ
LW
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
Take A Deep Breath... Post Number 25 Incoming... Finally
Well I've finally got round to writing a post worthy of reading, after many short bursts of cerebral waste. Its been a busy few weeks for me, and eventually the crazy ride that is university came to a reluctant stop. All my work has been completed and handed in, and I will never have another lecture, seminar or group meeting ever again (unless I decide to do a Post-Graduate course, but for the moment, it seems permanent). Thinking back to previous years, if I had thought about the position I'm in now (being free from any sort of work) I probably would of greeted it with cheers and celebration, but now I'm actually in that position, I think Melancholia might be setting in. However there have been many things over the past week that have really cheered me up, and in this long winded and possibly pointless post I intend to cite them all. On with the show!
First up was the Friday that every 3rd year student at York St John was waiting for, that was the day of the Summer Ball. For anyone who is unsure of what that is, it's basically a little festival for the students, loads of booze, multiple places to watch live music and a few fair ground attractions thrown in for good measure. It was extra special for because I performed with the YSJ Big Band and my funk band aptly named Super Pelvic Thrust (There were other names thrown around, among them was "Break Your Funkin' Hymen", but that was scrapped for obvious reasons).
Both gigs went really well and the crowd really enjoyed the stuff we were playing, but I think the most important thing for us as a band, was to go out and have fun playing together. This was the last chance we had to play a proper gig and it felt really special to us all. The night was a little messy due to drinking 3 different types of lager and doing about 12 Jagerbombs. If you also examine the above poster you can see that The Futureheads were the headline act at this years ball. When I first found out I was ecstatic, I've been a fan of the band for a long time and I was unbelievably happy that a band as good as them were going to play on our tiny little campus. If you haven't heard of The Futureheads, they are a 4 piece band from Sunderland, and to put it bluntly, they are f**kin' awesome. When I arrived on campus to sort out my gear for the gigs we were playing later that evening, I heard one of their songs in the distance. I thought it was just coincidence that someone was playing it, when they were due to play later that night, but then it clicked... SOUNDCHECK!! I ran round to the front of uni and there they were, playing to an empty room, only me, the sound engineers and the PR woman (pictured).
When it was finally time for the gig, me and a few mates (Sean A.K.A Sloth and Spally) arrived two bands early to ensure we had a perfect view of the action.
When they came out on stage I was directly in front of the bass player (which because of my inebriated state, I informed my friends of about 20 times) but if your reading this Jaff (why you ever would is beyond me but just in case), I showed you about 5 messages on my iPhone and I met you briefly backstage (which I also told my friends about) and you were a legend, so thanks a lot for that.
Overall the night was an unbelievable success on all accounts, everyone had an awesome time and I will always remember it as a night of great fun and laughter, not beer fueled depression as I and a lot of my mates expected it to be.
In conversation with my girlfriend Sam earlier this afternoon I promised I'd include her in my next post, so here's a picture of us in the Acoustic Tent at the ball.
The next day I awoke with a slight ringing in my ears, but it felt good knowing what a great night I'd had. Dont get me wrong it was painful, but a good painful, like when you've been to the gym and you've worked really hard, and the next day you walk like you've been brutally sodomized, that sort of painful. After getting dressed and testing my hearing with some more of The Futureheads, I went for breakfast with two very good friends Edric and Spally, before heading to Scarborough with them and a group of friends all belonging to a Madrigal Choir from our uni. Most people when you say to them "Im in a madrigal choir" they look at you as if you asked them to write down the theory of Quantum Mechanics on the back of a Jacobs Cracker. So to give you an example of the stuff we sing, here's a video of The Kings Singers doing there thing. As the day progressed, the sun was shining and the hangover soon wore off, but even though the company was great and the weather was even better, the day didn't go without a hitch.
Mid afternoon, a number of us required lunch, and where better to go to at the seaside than a chip shop for fish and chips. Harry Ramsdens is a well known and long running chip shop chain that was situated not far from us on the beach, and seemed like the logical choice. Four of us purchased food from there and from what was said its reception was very good (for me it was anyways), but for one member of our group things weren't to standards befitting of a... "human" shall we say. Whilst tucking into her fish and chips which she'd payed about 5 pounds for, she found a bolt. A metal bolt, like the hexagonal shaped ones with the little dome on top in the following picture. It was actually buried somewhere IN her food, needless to say we made her go back and complain about it, to which to she received a free fish and chips as well as a free drink (rightly so). But come on were not f***ing robots, don't put metal in peoples food.
Whilst on our little trip to the B&Q of chip shops I noticed a road sign that really shocked me. I'm not shocked very often but I was actually taken back by what was in front of my eyes.
This is probably the most phallic image I've ever seen that wasn't blatant pornography, and whats crazy is that its on THE main road by the seafront, with families and children walking past just minding their own, not realizing there's a giant penis right above their heads. Why hasn't some prude old woman complained about it? I mean, its incredibly detailed, there's little hairs coming off it, the only thing it lacks is the West Pier road being slightly curved or having a small roundabout, then it would be perfect.
On my way back from the chippy, whilst walking leisurely down the beach, I saw a man and his son kicking around an inflatable ball, I thought nothing of it until it flew into a drove of donkeys. The donkeys obviously have a problem with random colourful objects, so their natural reaction was to scatter, the only problem was that they were waiting only yards from nearby sun bathers. A few people were VERY narrowly missed and the owner of the donkeys didn't seem to think any urgent response was necessary, she just kept on shouting "Don't you dare! Don't you dare!" to which the donkeys didn't bat an eyelid too.
The time eventually came for us to go home, whilst walking back to the train station we stopped at various points along the sea front to sing our little songs. We did stop briefly outside a shop so that one member of the group could buy some rock. Whilst waiting on the street, a flying shit machine, more commonly known as a seagull let rip directly above us, hitting the pavement and narrowly missing everyone. We all laughed and thought what a narrow escape, little did I know the little bastard was just having some target practice. Further along the road we veered off through some gardens up a very steep hill, it was here I was effectively cornered off. I was moving further towards higher ground, enabling the RAF ShitFlicker to get lower. He eventually locked me in his sights and let one rip all over me. I was livid. Ive not felt that angry in a long time, I wanted to find the nearest gun shop and go seagull hunting, the little bastards had ruined my good mood and there was nothing I could do about it.
We arrived back in york, slightly pink and tired, and in want of a good beer, me and Edric traveled to The Last Drop Inn for a pint of Guzzler. It was severely needed and it did help take away the horrors of the day from my mind.
Sunday was work... Boring ... Enough said about that.
Finally Monday arrived and if your are a regular reader of my blog, you might remember from a previous post, that the first Monday of every month is what me and the boys have dubbed Dress Up Monday. This months (the second of many to come) was no exception, we went to the Indian Lounge (just like last time, I feel its becoming a tradition) and had an immense curry. The only thing that could be improved about their service are the waiters photography skills, as you can see he managed to take a picture of his finger at first...
Classy. Then when we informed him he had his finger over the lens he took another, to a poor standard.
Overall the really good times have outweighed the bad these past few days, and It's times like this I'm really glad I started writing a blog, so I can document this sort of stuff and look back on it whenever I feel like it. So my mates can relive stuff that they've done, and so people who have never met me and have no clue who I am can get a taster for it too. There not the only reasons though, most of the time I'm just a miserable bastard who likes to moan about pretty much everything.
Anyways, as always I will leave you with some pearls of Youtube wisdom, and if you have read any of my twitter posts in the last few weeks you might of seen that my girlfriend showed me the video for Beyoncé's single "Ego", and that I liked it very much. So without further introduction, enjoy the sexy beat, sexy horns and the sexy dance moves. Enjoy
Thanks always for reading
Take it EZ
LW
First up was the Friday that every 3rd year student at York St John was waiting for, that was the day of the Summer Ball. For anyone who is unsure of what that is, it's basically a little festival for the students, loads of booze, multiple places to watch live music and a few fair ground attractions thrown in for good measure. It was extra special for because I performed with the YSJ Big Band and my funk band aptly named Super Pelvic Thrust (There were other names thrown around, among them was "Break Your Funkin' Hymen", but that was scrapped for obvious reasons).
Both gigs went really well and the crowd really enjoyed the stuff we were playing, but I think the most important thing for us as a band, was to go out and have fun playing together. This was the last chance we had to play a proper gig and it felt really special to us all. The night was a little messy due to drinking 3 different types of lager and doing about 12 Jagerbombs. If you also examine the above poster you can see that The Futureheads were the headline act at this years ball. When I first found out I was ecstatic, I've been a fan of the band for a long time and I was unbelievably happy that a band as good as them were going to play on our tiny little campus. If you haven't heard of The Futureheads, they are a 4 piece band from Sunderland, and to put it bluntly, they are f**kin' awesome. When I arrived on campus to sort out my gear for the gigs we were playing later that evening, I heard one of their songs in the distance. I thought it was just coincidence that someone was playing it, when they were due to play later that night, but then it clicked... SOUNDCHECK!! I ran round to the front of uni and there they were, playing to an empty room, only me, the sound engineers and the PR woman (pictured).
When it was finally time for the gig, me and a few mates (Sean A.K.A Sloth and Spally) arrived two bands early to ensure we had a perfect view of the action.
When they came out on stage I was directly in front of the bass player (which because of my inebriated state, I informed my friends of about 20 times) but if your reading this Jaff (why you ever would is beyond me but just in case), I showed you about 5 messages on my iPhone and I met you briefly backstage (which I also told my friends about) and you were a legend, so thanks a lot for that.
Overall the night was an unbelievable success on all accounts, everyone had an awesome time and I will always remember it as a night of great fun and laughter, not beer fueled depression as I and a lot of my mates expected it to be.
In conversation with my girlfriend Sam earlier this afternoon I promised I'd include her in my next post, so here's a picture of us in the Acoustic Tent at the ball.
The next day I awoke with a slight ringing in my ears, but it felt good knowing what a great night I'd had. Dont get me wrong it was painful, but a good painful, like when you've been to the gym and you've worked really hard, and the next day you walk like you've been brutally sodomized, that sort of painful. After getting dressed and testing my hearing with some more of The Futureheads, I went for breakfast with two very good friends Edric and Spally, before heading to Scarborough with them and a group of friends all belonging to a Madrigal Choir from our uni. Most people when you say to them "Im in a madrigal choir" they look at you as if you asked them to write down the theory of Quantum Mechanics on the back of a Jacobs Cracker. So to give you an example of the stuff we sing, here's a video of The Kings Singers doing there thing. As the day progressed, the sun was shining and the hangover soon wore off, but even though the company was great and the weather was even better, the day didn't go without a hitch.
Mid afternoon, a number of us required lunch, and where better to go to at the seaside than a chip shop for fish and chips. Harry Ramsdens is a well known and long running chip shop chain that was situated not far from us on the beach, and seemed like the logical choice. Four of us purchased food from there and from what was said its reception was very good (for me it was anyways), but for one member of our group things weren't to standards befitting of a... "human" shall we say. Whilst tucking into her fish and chips which she'd payed about 5 pounds for, she found a bolt. A metal bolt, like the hexagonal shaped ones with the little dome on top in the following picture. It was actually buried somewhere IN her food, needless to say we made her go back and complain about it, to which to she received a free fish and chips as well as a free drink (rightly so). But come on were not f***ing robots, don't put metal in peoples food.
Whilst on our little trip to the B&Q of chip shops I noticed a road sign that really shocked me. I'm not shocked very often but I was actually taken back by what was in front of my eyes.
This is probably the most phallic image I've ever seen that wasn't blatant pornography, and whats crazy is that its on THE main road by the seafront, with families and children walking past just minding their own, not realizing there's a giant penis right above their heads. Why hasn't some prude old woman complained about it? I mean, its incredibly detailed, there's little hairs coming off it, the only thing it lacks is the West Pier road being slightly curved or having a small roundabout, then it would be perfect.
On my way back from the chippy, whilst walking leisurely down the beach, I saw a man and his son kicking around an inflatable ball, I thought nothing of it until it flew into a drove of donkeys. The donkeys obviously have a problem with random colourful objects, so their natural reaction was to scatter, the only problem was that they were waiting only yards from nearby sun bathers. A few people were VERY narrowly missed and the owner of the donkeys didn't seem to think any urgent response was necessary, she just kept on shouting "Don't you dare! Don't you dare!" to which the donkeys didn't bat an eyelid too.
The time eventually came for us to go home, whilst walking back to the train station we stopped at various points along the sea front to sing our little songs. We did stop briefly outside a shop so that one member of the group could buy some rock. Whilst waiting on the street, a flying shit machine, more commonly known as a seagull let rip directly above us, hitting the pavement and narrowly missing everyone. We all laughed and thought what a narrow escape, little did I know the little bastard was just having some target practice. Further along the road we veered off through some gardens up a very steep hill, it was here I was effectively cornered off. I was moving further towards higher ground, enabling the RAF ShitFlicker to get lower. He eventually locked me in his sights and let one rip all over me. I was livid. Ive not felt that angry in a long time, I wanted to find the nearest gun shop and go seagull hunting, the little bastards had ruined my good mood and there was nothing I could do about it.
We arrived back in york, slightly pink and tired, and in want of a good beer, me and Edric traveled to The Last Drop Inn for a pint of Guzzler. It was severely needed and it did help take away the horrors of the day from my mind.
Sunday was work... Boring ... Enough said about that.
Finally Monday arrived and if your are a regular reader of my blog, you might remember from a previous post, that the first Monday of every month is what me and the boys have dubbed Dress Up Monday. This months (the second of many to come) was no exception, we went to the Indian Lounge (just like last time, I feel its becoming a tradition) and had an immense curry. The only thing that could be improved about their service are the waiters photography skills, as you can see he managed to take a picture of his finger at first...
Classy. Then when we informed him he had his finger over the lens he took another, to a poor standard.
Overall the really good times have outweighed the bad these past few days, and It's times like this I'm really glad I started writing a blog, so I can document this sort of stuff and look back on it whenever I feel like it. So my mates can relive stuff that they've done, and so people who have never met me and have no clue who I am can get a taster for it too. There not the only reasons though, most of the time I'm just a miserable bastard who likes to moan about pretty much everything.
Anyways, as always I will leave you with some pearls of Youtube wisdom, and if you have read any of my twitter posts in the last few weeks you might of seen that my girlfriend showed me the video for Beyoncé's single "Ego", and that I liked it very much. So without further introduction, enjoy the sexy beat, sexy horns and the sexy dance moves. Enjoy
Thanks always for reading
Take it EZ
LW
Wednesday, 27 May 2009
Another Aperitif
Seems recently I'm the king of tiny little posts, but I can tell you a substantial post is on the way. I have handed in all of my university work, but I still have performances to do and compositions to record, edit and produce for a friend. So it will most likely be over the weekend at some point. Keep your eyes peeled for that.
Now however, I wanted to share a little video with, another Fixed Gear related video, but this is a beautiful looking trailer for a documentary around the track bike culture in Germany. I hope you enjoy it.
Thanks always for reading
Take it EZ
LW
Monday, 25 May 2009
I've Gotta' Go Hungry Have I?
Ive got something to share with you, as a little nibbler until I write my full post over the next few days. While reading the twitter of well known author and blogger Michael Marshall (Smith) or for you twitterate (see that? Twitter and Literate? good stuff that) people among you he's known as @ememess. Anyway, his "tweets" are usually very funny, but this one especially made me cry tears of absolutle joy, all because of some severly retarded welshman.
I will set the scene. A man has been to ASDA and bought a pizza. He gets home, looking forward to his little "slice" of heaven, and opening the packet only to find theres no topping. Oh no! So he decides to ring ASDA to complain and here is where I leave you.
Enjoy.
Thanks always for reading
Take it EZ
LW
I will set the scene. A man has been to ASDA and bought a pizza. He gets home, looking forward to his little "slice" of heaven, and opening the packet only to find theres no topping. Oh no! So he decides to ring ASDA to complain and here is where I leave you.
Enjoy.
Thanks always for reading
Take it EZ
LW
Wednesday, 20 May 2009
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Weeks Of Absence In One Post.
(My Dissertation Minutes Before Hand-in. A Proud Moment)
Its been a while since my last post, but this is not due to a lack of material, its due to a lack of time. In the weeks away I've handed in the single most important piece of university work, performed in multiple concerts and have been preparing for more essays, and more performances.
My university life is drawing to a close now, and to be brutally honest, I'm not f***ing happy about it. I love university, I like my friends here, I like having my thirst for knowledge quenched to the point of confusion, but more importantly I'll miss the places. The music block, where I've spent hours and hours singing and drumming, the library (where I've spent less time than anywhere else, but thats not the point) reading and learning. The chapel, where every tuesday for the past 3 years I've either watched or performed in the Lunchtime concert, and finally the students union bar. This place holds some of the fondest memories, no matter when it was, whether after after concerts and in betwixt lessons, times were always fun. Im so glad I know people in their second year so I can come back to visit and use their student status to visit my beloved university once more.
Enough of the sob fest anyways, I've got more annoying matters to attend to. First things first.
The Eurovision Song Contest. Now don't get me wrong, I watch it every year and I laugh my arse off at some of the s**t that perform, but it used to be funny because of the unbelievably politically incorrect comments Terry Wogan came out with. Graham Norton who took over from Wogan this year, was, to put it frankly, shit. There was no outright ribbing that would of been commonplace with Wogan.
Because of the lack of my mate Terry, I decided to make notes on all of the performances, as if I was commentating. So here is what I wrote. These haven't been edited from when I wrote them as the performances happened.
1. Lithuania - strange guy with a stupid hat - Shit.
2. Israel - Drummers playing biscuit tins - Shit.
3. France - Woman who sounded like she had a "FROG" in her throat. Pun definitely intended.
4. Sweden - Happiest but weirdest woman ever... POP-Opera with the Magic Flute-esq Queen of the night aria bit... White stage for chorus is a bit weird, can hardly bloody see.
5. Croatia - Huge pervert right off the bat. Crazy creepy smile. Keep your children away.
6. Portugal - Shit.
7. Iceland - A young, normal looking Girl... woah is it possible? Great voice. not a bad song. Mammoth backing singers though... PUT DOWN THE FORK!
8. Greece - Gayest Guy Ever... WORST ROUTINE EVER!!!!! - Shit.
9. Armenia - Sisters... Inga and Anush... An amalgamation of Shakira, The Corrs and Depeche Mode... weird... Strangely catchy...Everytime I Hear it back it gets better.
10. Russia - shit song...Weird that her face is all over the stage slowly aging. Disgusting.
11. Azerbaijan - boy and girl duet - very ricky martin. weird dancing/Gymnastics. Again... Shit.
12. Bosnia & Herzegovina - A Band - apparently have supported the rolling stones. Absolutely wank...REALLY WANK.
13. Moldova - Weird woman, good voice. Shakira style. Muppet men backing dancers. They look like there desperate for a pee. One bloke backing singer stood way back, with a huge spear thing. no idea why. Shit.
14. Malta - Voice sounds like the opposite of what she looks like. Michelle McManus springs to mind. Power ballad, not bad to be honest.
15. Estonia - a sextet of string playing ladies. Nice song, classical yet modern.
16. Denmark - written by Ronan Keating... Very stars in your eyes. Hes singing doing an impression of Ronan Keating... WHY?... Surprise surprise, Shit.
17. Germany - Dita Von Teese is on stage and gets down to her smalls... Gay electro/swing song...Lead singer has SILVER sparkly pants, For f**k sake... Awful scatting section... AND Tap Dancing! f**king tap dancing! Shit.
18. Turkey - Yet another Shakira/Beyonce wannabe. Shit song. Skimpy costumes... for Turkey... STANDARD!
19. Albania - Shit. Weird.
20. Norway - favourite to win... How?
21. Ukraine - Weird set...centurian dancers... Joan Rivers face, Shit.
22. Romania - Lovely ladies, but still poor.
23. UK - here we go...shit song. Powerfull voice but a bit too screechy.
24. Finland - I feel like I'm 14 again, one bloke rapping, 3 girls singing. Catchy dance song, nice harmonies. One of the best (of a REALLY bad bunch).
25. Spain - Weird dancers again. Rubbish song with stupid lyrics. "I wanna shake me, I wanna shake me".
Grow a pair Norton. You've got big shoes to fill, and sort your voice out. Muppet.
Moving swiftly on, I went to my local supermarket the other day to purchase some much needed food items. I went to the appropriate isles, collected the things I needed then proceeded to the checkout. The choice of which checkout would turn out to be my downfall. When I arrived at the checkout (The last one at the far back of the store, probably about a quarter of a mile from the entrance) the man was serving a girl in front of me. I thought nothing of it as I was texting my girlfriend at the time. The girl gathered her stuff and moved on, and I moved forward, "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeello" said the man, I looked confused for a second, whether I had dreamt his strange greeting, but he stared at me waiting for some sort of confirmation of it. I quickly muttered "Hi" to break the strange staring match, snap, immediately he proceeded to run all my items through the till. When he finished he told me the amount to pay and signaled to the chip and pin machine with no less enthusiasm than Vincent Price reading Edger Allen Poe. I mean for f**k sake, you work in a supermarket, your not Patrick Stewart doing Shakespeare at The Globe, get some perspective. He even folded the receipt in the most peculiar way, he looked at it for a few seconds before starting it. I thought to myself "Jesus christ, judging by the 'Enter your pin' performance he's gonna go at this hammer and tongs and make some sort of f**king swan out of it". Inside I was crying with laughter but on the surface I looked confused and slightly angry, I don't think he noticed to tell the truth, he probably gets it alot. Make no mistake I was gone before he could break into a parting song.
On monday afternoon/evening I went for a few drinks with the usual suspects from uni. Edric, Dave DB, Dave "Windbag" and Mark, or alternatively, Horse, Bull, Meerkat and Badger respectively. Sean and Phil (Sloth and Otter) were indisposed so were unable to make it. Needless to say, we had a great laugh, we were all half cut and DB was off his face on nicotine patches so that provided plenty of entertainment as well. We moved from a pub called The Last Drop Inn (which does a cracking pint called Guzzler, try it if you know where it is) to another old man pub called The Handsome Cab (which is a Samuel Smith's brewery pub, which means 2 things. Good quality and cheap). After a pint and 5 bags of Mini Cheddars for the badger, we were just about ready to leave, but previously the badger had told me about the prophylactic machine in the mens toilets and that I had to check it out (No idea why, he can be quite strange). But I was curious to what could of amused him so much, and behold, the answer lay before me.
Notice the amount of time taken to brand their product, oh wait, there ISN'T a brand, only the name of the company who owns the machine itself. Now I didn't purchase any of these, I wouldn't even bother out of curiosity, because quite frankly, a plastic shopping bag and an elastic band would do a better job than these "Super Lubricated Protectives". I thought the small piece of information on STI's was a nice touch too, nothing gets a mans juices flowing more than the thought of some genital disease.
As always I will leave you with a little slice of Youtube, and this week comes in the form of an A Cappella performance of a Randy Newman song by The Kings Singers. These guys are absolutely awesome and the whole performance is just top class. Enjoy.
Thanks always for reading. My next post might not be for a few weeks, but keep your eyes peeled.
Take it EZ
LW
Tuesday, 28 April 2009
Things That Just Don't Mix
Tonight I went out for a few drinks with friends at a local restaurant. En route, my friend Edric and I were walking innocently along the pavement (as a pedestrian should do) and unbeknown to us there was the mother of all f***ing puddles ahead of us by the side of the road. In fact I would go so far as to call it a pond, this thing was gargantuan. Anyway, we continued along the street towards our destination when some brainless f*** chose to drive directly through the puddle thus giving us the soaking of a lifetime. Needless to say we weren't best pleased and as such, we hurled every name under the sun at the driver. After a good few moments of moaning like disgruntled old men, we continued on to the restaurant called El Gringos, which is a tiny Tex-Mex place that does a student night on a tuesday.
(Thanks to Google Maps for the Picture including a Chavvy Mum)
We got there, less than happy, more than damp, and ordered some beers. Edric and myself sat at a table at the far end of the restaurant with a large group of friends, on closer inspection of the interior decor, as I expected there were obvious native american paraphernalia, as well as american junk too, but for some strange reason, completely un be-known to me (And I think other people too) they had Jamaican flags and posters of Bob Marley. Please can someone explain to me what that signifies? Because I really don't have a clue. But upon a second probing I noticed something else that was extremely disconcerting, the ceiling was leaking directly over the light fixtures.
Now I'm certainly no expert, and please do forgive me if I'm wrong, but electricity and water, aren't they two things that should be kept separate? Like Manuel Uribe and McDonalds? Yep he definitely is "Lovin' It". Call me old fashioned but come on, isn't that something that shouldn't really happen in a restaurant? I bet they payed off the health and safety officer with San Miguel and Burritos.
So in summary, things I have seen today that just don't mix.
1. Pedestrians, cars and puddles
2. Tex-Mex restaurants and Jamaican Paraphernalia
3. Electricity and water.
4. Manuel Uribe and McDonalds
As always I will leave you with a treat from the bottomless pit that is YouTube, but seeing as though it worked so well in the past... Heaven or Hell awaits. Enjoy.
As always thanks for reading.
Take it EZ
LW
Update On Last Nights Events...
This is just a small post to confirm last night was officially a success. A few people who should of been there (not naming names Sean and Phil), weren't, so there was an air of disappointment at the beginning of the night, but all was soon forgotten. There were also a few issues where to eat (we visited two places before we decided on the third) but when we did decide it was apparent that our choice was completely justified. We settled on a place called the Indian Lounge, which is situated in the centre of York. I'd heard great things from a few friends who have made this their regular curry house.
(Sorry for the shit picture)
Anyway, after ordering four glasses of water and four bottles of Kingfisher, we tackled the menu. After much deliberation we ordered, and we waited in anticipation of the a variable smorgasbord of delights that was incoming and also to the evening ahead.
(Mark and Ed clearly happy with their food selection)
The food arrived after a short wait and its safe to say we weren't disappointed. No time was wasted getting stuck in to it, and soon all four of us began to feel quite stuffed. The food was absolutely awesome and I think I speak for Ed, Mark, Dave and myself when I say that.
(The Post-Feed Destruction)
We continued on to a few bars for some drinks and a good night was had by all. Thanks to all the boys for making an effort and roll on the next Dress Up Monday.
As this is only a tiny post I won't leave you with anything crazy, or funny. Just a great song with a great video. I hope you enjoy it.
Thanks as always for reading.
Take it EZ
LW
P.S - Apologies to anyone who tried to decipher yesterdays post title. The last two digits were spelt incorrectly in the morse alphabet. I have rectified the problem, so consider the competition re-open. Thats of coarse if you really care. Thanks - LW
Monday, 27 April 2009
.--. --- ... - -. ..- -- -... . .-. .---- ---..
If you are wondering why the title for this post consists of only dots and dashes, you might recognize the seemingly unrecognizable jumble as Morse Code. It is in homage to Samuel Morse who would of celebrated his birthday today. Unfortunately he died along time ago, but I enjoy the simplicity of what he invented, so I thought I'd use it. If you want to decipher it, be my guest and I might even arrange a little prize for the first person to do it and email the answer, probably in the form of a congratulatory note or something of equivalent value.
On my time away from posting, I've been on my travels somewhat. I've been back to Manchester for a few days and I also traveled to London for 3 days with my girlfriend Sam. I was looking forward to going to "The Big Smoke" as they call it, because I've only been when I was younger and when I've been accompanied with my parents so this was a guaranteed dose of adventure heading my way. At Manchester train station I spent £10 on a new razor and some shaving gel only to leave it on the train when I arrived at London so it wasn't the best start for my wallet, but the excitement soon over shadowed it. Sam had an audition at Laban dance school on the friday, so our plan was to do as much sight seeing on the wednesday and thursday. And god damn did we do some sigh seeing! Our tired feet were dragged everywhere, and here for your viewing pleasure is a small slideshow of our trip.
Captions:
1. Tube Map
2. Random Fixie
3. Two sharks Chillaxin'
4. Nemo
5. Dory
6. Me stood above the sharks
7. London's equivalent of York's stupid Purple dude.
8. The Eye
9. Relaxin with some legends. John Cage, Merce Cunningham
10. More legends. Jackson Pollock, Clyfford Still
11. Me after some experimental surgery
12. Random nice street in Shoreditch
13. St. Pauls
I hope you enjoyed that, obviously the trip was alot more involved but I didn't take a great deal of photographs, so do forgive the lack of consistency. But Sam and me both had an amazing time and if you've never been, then I would urge you to make the effort to go. You won't regret it.
Moving swiftly on to more current matters. As I'm writing this, I am in great anticipation of the night that lies ahead. Tonight is the first of many events that we have dubbed "Dress Up Monday". Basically for no apparent reason, were going to get gussied up, go out and have some beverages. Its only going to happen once a month so its important for everyone to make an effort. Im sure I'll be posting a few pictures of my friends making idiots of themselves or a certain friend trying to attract the opposite sex.
(Its O.K to want a piece ladies!)
On that note, I will leave you with a classic song that I somehow stumbled across again. If you don't sing along then you really arnt human! Enjoy.
Thanks always for reading
Take it EZ
LW
Wednesday, 15 April 2009
New Look!
Whilst sat watching Tv I decided that I fancied a change. So like Carol Smillie on acid, I went forth with the make over. I hope you like the new look, if you don't, its tough shit really.
In celebration of my pretty looking blog, heres a beautifully shot video from Paris. Thanks to Sam from Leeds Fixed Gear for making me aware of this.
Instances You Wish You Owned A Gun: #25 - Scally F***er
Yesterday whilst riding into the centre of manchester to meet a very good friend of mine, I was taking my usual route, and to be honest, I was enjoying a leisurely ride. I had set off about 10 minutes earlier so I could relax and take it easy (I ended up getting there in 15 minutes without trying and was 30 minutes early. Nevermind). Anyway on my way through Openshaw, which if you didn't know is moderately famous for having the film "East is East" filmed there. Anyways as I approached a left turn I noticed a scally dressed like a tool in an all black tracksuit and sporting the classic bald head "I'm a f***ing goon look".
As I approached him I checked behind to see if there was any traffic (Incase he stepped out in front of me) and noticed a car slightly behind me, Im sure it was an old woman, but it was a quick glance so I'm not entirely sure. As I got closer and closer, I noticed his arm was cocked back like a Randy Johnson.
I was immediately worried by this, all that was going through my head was, if he throws something, and I fall off, I'm going straight under the wheels of the car along side me. So I said a prayer, grit my teeth and sped up. My reasoning was that a moving target is alot harder to hit and this mentality is probably what got me through it unscathed (And also because of some lightning reactions. Not blowing my own trumpet...Obviously) and is probably why I'm not dead. As I got really close to him I saw a menacing look in his eye, and I could see he really wanted my blood on the concrete, so this made me more determined to get the better of the degenerate bastard.
Directly along side him I now was positive he was going to throw something, so at the pivotal moment I ducked right down next to my stem, A little bit lower than my good friend Theo Bos (I wish he was good friend, what a beast). As I ducked whatever he threw went right over my head and hit the car along side me on back window, which subsequently smashed. Immediately after I was in total shock, loads of scenarios were flying through my head, but the last one I thought of is I wish I had a gun.
I turned round and saw his ugly, hulking mass waving and shouting (For what reason I will never know) and I knew I'd have no chance going one on one so I didn't even consider stopping to teach him a lesson. Besides he could of been carrying a knife or even a gun himself, this is Manchester for f*** sake. But I had such an overwhelming urge to play god and completely beat the living f***ing shit out of him. After riding off and getting really f***ing angry I completely forgot about the car window that was smashed, and because of this a sense of guilt immediately followed. When I arrived at Manchester Piccadilly to meet my friend Craig, I was in definite need of a pint. I hope wherever that absolute f***ing arse hole is hiding, I hope he suffers a painful and horrible death, and very soon!
Anyways, enough ranting for today and onto different incredible news. This morning I was reading The Observer Magazine and I read an unbelievable story that completely boggles my mind. A man named Daniel Tammet has successfully recited Pi to 22,514 decimal places. To put this into some sort of perspective, 3.14159265358979323846 is Pi to 20 decimal places. Ask yourself, could you remember that? Could you even remember to a 100? imagine 22,514, that is truly an incredible feat. He completed it in 5 hours and 9 minutes. I have major respect for uber-intelligence and this is certainly no exception.
Unfortunately I'm not leaving you with any choices today, instead I'm going to be a bit of dictator and give you something to listen to. Today I'm giving you a really happy song, but granted you will probably be slightly confused, because the song is for the complete wrong time of the year. But whatever, it makes me smile. Enjoy.
Thanks always for reading.
Take it EZ
LW
Monday, 13 April 2009
A Review... A Rant... A Raise Of My Glass
I've said in a previous post that I don't really do product reviews, and in that particular post I made an exception. I would like to again make an exception in the case of this new gadget that my mother has acquired. For the people that know me, you will know that I love chips (Fries for the Americans reading) and anything that aids my grub-lust is as equally high rated. This new gadget ticks both those boxes. Behold!
The deep fat fryer that wouldn't be out of place in a restaurant kitchen. This is truly the Porsche of fryers. I sampled the fruit of its labour earlier and I was very impressed. I could go on about its specifications and its capabilities but why bother? It makes cracking chips, looks cool, enough said.
Before I started writing this I watched Jurassic Park 3. I had not seen the third part of this classic film series before (well the first was a classic) and I was quite surprised. I did kinda enjoy seeing all the friendly herbivores chomping away on their trees, and there was quite alot that I enjoyed, BUT (a big BUT) Im not sure I like the fact that the velociraptors have some sort of advanced intelligence (that was kinda out of the blue for me, was there something in the second one about that?) or that a kid survived ALONE for 8 weeks whilst gathering weapons, food, AND exploring the island to a considerable extent. Even though when the main characters land on the island, they are immediately attacked by the mother of all f***ing dinosaurs. How the hell did he do that! Thats clearly not even possible and nor should anyone even think it is. Who f***ing wrote that, they should be culled or at least be subjected to chinese water torture. And another thing, the kids parents who are played by William H Macy and Tea Leoni, instead of panicking that their son is lost on a huge island with man eating dinosaurs everywhere, they keep saying "He's a smart kid" or "He's resourceful"...HES A DAMN CHILD AND THEY ARE F***ING DINOSAURS!!! Jeez.
Now I've got that off my chest I can wrap up this post feeling lighter and more elegant. Tomorrow I'm hoping the sun will shine so I can enjoy a leisurely ride on my bike, and a few ice cold beers. I'll add a picture of cold beer I've previously enjoyed to offer up as a form of sacrifice to Helios (But not in a wicker man burn someone alive way, just in a "Hey come and have a beer with me" way).
That should do it. Your welcome Helios.
In my last post I ended with a choice betwixt Heaven and Hell. Again I give you a similar choice, but this time around It's all about the booze. So I give you Gin, Whiskey, Wine or Beer. Choose your poison and enjoy it in the sun.
Thanks always for reading.
Take it EZ
LW
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Has The World Gone F***ing Mental?
Whilst relaxing and listening to some Robson & Jerome this evening, I stumbled across an article in The New York Times about a current revelation in the "Keep Fit" world. This epiphany comes in the form of "Doga", a new form of Yoga in which you AND your dog can stretch and exercise together. Now I don't know who the hell has come up with this crazy idea, but for me... It's utterly f***ing pointless. Lets look at the evidence.
(Photo by Michael Nagle for The New York Times)
Now looking at that picture, I'm no expert in Yoga but how the hell is the dog stretching or receiving anything beneficial in the slightest? It's not even supporting its own weight, some muppet is holding the poor thing. Its looking into the camera saying "Why am I sat on my owners belly while they're performing an Upward Bow!". Again if you look in the background you will find a disinterested little pug, and another depressed hound which could be anything (Im not a dog expert either). But I can tell you they are all bloody confused. I thought that was it... Oh how wrong I was...
(Photo by Michael Nagle for The New York Times)
There aren't many words for this, but look at the poor thing. Its lay on its side, with its paw in the air thinking, "I could be running around in the park chasing pigeons like a mad man right now".
For humans Yoga has been practiced for thousands of years, and being one of the six schools of Hindu philosophy, its a heavily spiritual practice. Now I'm not a deeply spiritual person but I cant help feeling that the creator of "Doga" has just took a great steaming shit all over a tradition thats been going alot longer than she has, just so the celebrity wannabes with Louis Vuitton dog carriers can be socially accepted by having their pets do yet ANOTHER important activity. It argues that It's bonding for the pet and owner, but in my opinion, do Yoga and take your dog for a walk afterwards. If for some reason you do want to read the article go here.
Thanks always for reading.
Take It EZ
LW
Monday, 6 April 2009
Definitely In The Top 10 Of Easter Goodies
Today my girlfriend Sam, returned from a weekend at home with a little present for me. Incidentally I had the same little gift last year and it did not fail to impress. This easter if you are going to buy a loved one/friend/relative something for easter, I would definitely recommend this (I don't usually do reviews or recommendations because if I claim something is awesome and it turns out to be shamefully poor then I look like a muppet). But in this case I am willing to stick my neck out and say without hesitation, that it is VERY good.
I have reserved the ears for Sam but the rest will be carefully dismembered and consumed in a beautifully choreographed display of chocolate bunny slaughter. Unfortunately the show is playing for one night only and is completely sold out.
Thanks as always for reading
Take it EZ
LW
Saturday, 4 April 2009
To The Bar!!!!
(Mark "The Badger" Lee)
Please play this whilst you read.
Yesterday when the sun was out, hundreds upon hundreds of students descended upon my universities students union (known as Archies Bar) for "Archies Day". This occurs on the last day of term before a substantial holiday. There are two main aims to this day, one for the student population and another for the bar. For the students its the best excuse to get together and go on an all day bender and get absolutely trashed on cheap drinks. For the bar its the perfect opportunity to sell off all their stock for an insanely cheap blowout so they don't lose money on everything going stale over the holidays (in this case a 3 week easter break). The unfortunate point about this glorious day is that the bar shuts at 7pm! And as my friends Amy and Phil pointed out to me, the main reason for this is so the bar staff can drink whatever is left for free! Another thing pointed out to me is that they have never held an Archies Day at easter break before... Any bloody excuse for a free piss up!
After the bar staff closed up so they could get on with their own drinking, everybody was forced to go somewhere else, the weather insisted we continue drinking so a BBQ was held at another friends house. There was food a' plenty and also beer o' plenty. It was a great night and many people were a tad bit merry.
What you see here are the effects of the day. People do strange things when exposed to direct sunlight and alcohol for extended periods of time. In this case unwanted "Man Love" and "Gurning" are the flavors of the day. Regardless the evening was a success and it was enjoyed by all. I am looking forward to the coming weeks to enjoy more of the same!
You can give Will Smith a break if he hasn't stopped talking about basketball, double dutch and moments of Frontin' and Maxin' yet.
As always I wish to bestow upon you the blessings of Youtube. There's always new stuff to be found, and as usual I seem to of stumbled across it, or more precisely my girlfriend did. It needs no introduction, only know, its from Japan. Which can only mean one thing. It's Mental.
I hope weather is being good to you where ever you happen to be. Thanks always for reading
Take it EZ
LW
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