Instances You Wish You Owned A Gun: #25 - Scally F***er

Yesterday whilst riding into the centre of manchester to meet a very good friend of mine, I was taking my usual route, and to be honest, I was enjoying a leisurely ride. I had set off about 10 minutes earlier so I could relax and take it easy (I ended up getting there in 15 minutes without trying and was 30 minutes early. Nevermind). Anyway on my way through Openshaw, which if you didn't know is moderately famous for having the film "East is East" filmed there. Anyways as I approached a left turn I noticed a scally dressed like a tool in an all black tracksuit and sporting the classic bald head "I'm a f***ing goon look".

As I approached him I checked behind to see if there was any traffic (Incase he stepped out in front of me) and noticed a car slightly behind me, Im sure it was an old woman, but it was a quick glance so I'm not entirely sure. As I got closer and closer, I noticed his arm was cocked back like a Randy Johnson.

I was immediately worried by this, all that was going through my head was, if he throws something, and I fall off, I'm going straight under the wheels of the car along side me. So I said a prayer, grit my teeth and sped up. My reasoning was that a moving target is alot harder to hit and this mentality is probably what got me through it unscathed (And also because of some lightning reactions. Not blowing my own trumpet...Obviously) and is probably why I'm not dead. As I got really close to him I saw a menacing look in his eye, and I could see he really wanted my blood on the concrete, so this made me more determined to get the better of the degenerate bastard.

Directly along side him I now was positive he was going to throw something, so at the pivotal moment I ducked right down next to my stem, A little bit lower than my good friend Theo Bos (I wish he was good friend, what a beast). As I ducked whatever he threw went right over my head and hit the car along side me on back window, which subsequently smashed. Immediately after I was in total shock, loads of scenarios were flying through my head, but the last one I thought of is I wish I had a gun. 

I turned round and saw his ugly, hulking mass waving and shouting (For what reason I will never know) and I knew I'd have no chance going one on one so I didn't even consider stopping to teach him a lesson. Besides he could of been carrying a knife or even a gun himself, this is Manchester for f*** sake. But I had such an overwhelming urge to play god and completely beat the living f***ing shit out of him. After riding off and getting really f***ing angry I completely forgot about the car window that was smashed, and because of this a sense of guilt immediately followed. When I arrived at Manchester Piccadilly to meet my friend Craig, I was in definite need of a pint. I hope wherever that absolute f***ing arse hole is hiding, I hope he suffers a painful and horrible death, and very soon!

Anyways, enough ranting for today and onto different incredible news. This morning I was reading The Observer Magazine and I read an unbelievable story that completely boggles my mind. A man named Daniel Tammet has successfully recited Pi to 22,514 decimal places. To put this into some sort of perspective, 3.14159265358979323846 is Pi to 20 decimal places. Ask yourself, could you remember that? Could you even remember to a 100? imagine 22,514, that is truly an incredible feat. He completed it in 5 hours and 9 minutes. I have major respect for uber-intelligence and this is certainly no exception.

Unfortunately I'm not leaving you with any choices today, instead I'm going to be a bit of dictator and give you something to listen to. Today I'm giving you a really happy song, but granted you will probably be slightly confused, because the song is for the complete wrong time of the year. But whatever, it makes me smile. Enjoy.  

Thanks always for reading.

Take it EZ

LW